Ut oh. It's back. By which I mean the evil demon the medical community likes to call depression. People use the word a little to casually these days. The worst way it affects me is the apathy. All the colours in the world become grey, seasoned depressives (hate that word too but have no other) will recognise it. It's hard to know whether to fight and pretend it isn't happening or surrender and trust it will lift. Historically it does lift - but with me often not for a few months, and I can't let everything slide for that long.
The worst thing about being Bipolar is not knowing which side of the pendulum is the real 'you' - did the manic posemaking a few weeks ago reflect my true abilities or is it just brain activity that needs to be beaten down with medication? All I know for sure right now is that all the stuff I've done up til now looks to me like someone else did it.